I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
