I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize
