And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
