ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
