party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Your penis caused this!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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