I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
What a dumb baby whore.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
