apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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