6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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