I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
