We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
ttyl tear gas
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Randomize
