Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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