Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
