i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
don't judge my taste in strippers
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
