Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
3pm strippers are depressing
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
