It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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