He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
