Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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