I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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