TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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