your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
