you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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