i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
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