sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
