Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
