im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
