Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
