I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
