I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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