When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
