If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
