I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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