Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
