Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I forget how to act sober
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
