Soap is not a condiment
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
