I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
