I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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