and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I believe in your delicious
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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