I am spending my child support on dildos
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
