its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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