ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
