Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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