Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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