My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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