coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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