i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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