All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
