We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
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