no, he came in my armpit
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
