508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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