My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
